How To Stop Keeping Up With the Joneses

Keeping up with the Joneses is a term most of us have heard all of our lives, but what does that really mean?  Who are the Joneses?  Well, the Joneses are all of the people that we compare ourselves to.  It’s what causes us to overspend and go into debt, no matter what we earn.  To put it bluntly, it’s measuring your financial success against that of your peers and letting their spending behaviors influence yours.  Keeping up with the Joneses will lead you to the poor house!

Anyone can fall into this trap if they’re not careful.  A recent article from Mint.com states that 60% of NBA players and 78% of NFL players file for bankruptcy within 5 years of retirement.  How can this be, when so many professional athletes earn more in one year than most of us make in a lifetime.  Well, it’s simply boils down to poor choices.  They try to keep the same standard of living they had when they were earning these whopping salaries.  I’m sorry to say, it can’t be done.

You Make Too Much To Be That Broke!

As most of you that know anything about me know, I’m an avid Dave Ramsey listener.  When I listen to his show, almost daily, I’m amazed at the people that call in, making over $100,000 a year and can’t afford to spend any money on necessities.  One caller in particular said he made $150,000 a year and couldn’t afford to buy his wife a $4,000 hearing aid, that she greatly needed.  Insurance wouldn’t cover it.  Well, you can imagine Dave’s response.  The poor man admitted that they were heavily mortgaged, had too much in car payments and crazy credit card debt.  He simply made too much money to be that broke!

It’s happening everywhere, though.  Nearly 7 out of 10 of your neighbors have less than $1,000 in their savings accounts.  Let that sink in.  If this is you or someone you know, that is literally one crisis away from financial ruin.  And why is that?  It’s because of the love affair Americans have with “stuff” and trying to keep up with people that are usually as bad off financially as they are.

Where’d That Phrase Come From?

Will Rogers, one of my favorite American philosophers, once said “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like”.  You see, this cultural philosophy is not something new to any of us. The term “Keeping Up With The Joneses” originated from a 1913 comic strip that ran with the same name.  The strip depicts the social climbing McGinis family, who struggle to “keep up” with their neighbors, the Joneses.   The strip ran until 1940, but the phrase stuck and has continued to remain popular.

Who Are The Joneses?

You probably know who they are, already.  They could be your family, your friends, your coworkers, acquaintances we see on Facebook, celebrities, athletes.  They are everywhere!  That’s why it’s so difficult to break free from the grips of rabid consumerism.  But for your futures sake, you have to, because what you’re seeing in the Joneses facade isn’t always what it is in reality.  Most of us just can’t keep up.

How To Stop Keeping Up With The Joneses

Now you know where the phrase came from and you understand how and why some try to keep this lifestyle up, I’m going to tell you about ways to avoid or stop the very behavior that could lead to your financial demise.

Stop Trying To Fill Voids With Stuff

Many people use shopping like a drug addict uses drugs.  There’s even a term for it.  I believe it’s called “Retail Therapy”.  We go shopping and get a momentary rush or high from spending money.  I can relate.  Been there.  While I experienced a few moments of euphoria, as I was walking out of the store, by the time I got home, I would sometimes get that sick feeling in my stomach with immediate buyers remorse.  This didn’t happen every time, but it did happen more than I care to remember.

Many times, buying things that we don’t need is a way to try and make ourselves feel better or we’re trying to fill voids in our lives as a result of deeper issues.  Getting to the bottom of those issues, either by seeking professional help or by digging a little deeper into our emotional psyche, can do wonders for our mental state and will have profound results on our financial state, as well.  We don’t need “things” to prove our self worth.

Stop Comparing

When you start comparing your life to someone else, it’s a recipe for disaster.  There’s always going to be someone who is more wealthy, has a nicer house, drives a nicer car, has a better marriage, is better looking.  The list goes on and on.  This will drive a person crazy, if you let it.

When we get on Social Media, it’s kinda hard not to do this.  Facebook is our highlight reel.  We certainly don’t want people to see the down and dirty secrets of our lives, so we put our best pics of our lives, our families, our possessions, our trips.  Don’t get me wrong…those things are wonderful, but never compare your life to someone elses highlight reel on Facebook.  No one’s life is perfect…I mean no one.

Everyone is going through something.  If seeing your friends happy pictures makes you depressed rather than joyful, then it’s time to unplug…at least for a little while.

It’s human nature to want what others have.  It’s also a sin, mind you.  But if you let it get the best of you, it can and will cause you to spend and in some cases, spend ALOT!  Just back away.

Love Your Life, Not Theirs: 7 Money Habits for Living the Life You Want

Stop Enabling

What I mean by this is to stop making it easy to keep digging a hole.  Cut the credit cards up, stop taking out loans and stop buying things you can’t afford.  The bad thing about credit is that credit makes you feel like you can afford something.  In turn, it will cause you spend way more than you can afford.  Swiping a credit card is a relatively painless act.  We’ve become so accustomed to it, that we hardly give a thought to it anymore.  Did you know that when you pay with credit, you are less likely to know the price of something or even ask what something cost.  That’s crazy!

Live Within Your Means

If everyone would do this, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, would we?  It seems so simple.  Don’t spend more than you make.  It’s God’s and Grandma’s way of doing things.  Sadly, society has gotten away from that mindset.  The more current mindset is debt is normal.  It’s a way of life.  I’ve heard so many people say “I’m always going to have a car payment.  It’s unrealistic to think we won’t have car payments”!  What??!!!  There will always be excuses that we can tell ourselves why we “need” something, but is that really the case?  A new car is not a “need”.  It falls into the “want” category.

I can honestly say, we haven’t had car payments in over 10 years.  We drive good, reliable used cars.  When I found out that a new car loses 60% of it’s value in the first 4 years, that was it.  Paying high car payments in lieu of our retirement wasn’t going to work for us.  Many people are paying almost as much for their cars each month as they pay for their homes.   If they would just take a few minutes to do the math on what that car is really costing them, it would make many sick.

It’s something to keep in mind when thinking about the future..ie. retirement.  I can assure you, the Joneses nor anyone else could care less about what you drive.  And, if they do?  Too bad!

Choose Your Friends Wisely

Now, I’m not telling you to dump your friends, but we all know, that we emulate those that we surround ourselves with.  We conform to those around us in order to fit in.  If you are married but you hang out with single people, that can be a recipe for disaster in your marriage.  If you hang out with people that are going out to eat all the time, that can wreak havoc with your bank account.

Want to develop better habits? Then surround yourself with people who already have those habits.  It’s just as easy to emulate good habits as bad habits.  This sounds like a conversation you might have with your high school student, but this goes for adults, as well.  Having friends like the Joneses might very well cause you to end up in the poor house.

Don’t Let Your Kids Tell You What To Do

What I mean by this is we often let our children direct our decisions, whether it’s about what kind of latest and greatest shoes they want or the college they attend.  Like I use to tell my kids, it’s always so easy to spend money when you’re spending someone else money.  It seems that in today’s society, parents have a more difficult time telling their children “no”, out of guilt, shame or both.

It’s ok to say no.  When it comes to clothing or shoes, it’s best to set a realistic budget with junior.  If he wants a more expensive pair of tennis shoes, let him make up the difference.

When it comes to college choice, let your budget, not the child, dictate where he goes to school.  Student loan debt is at epidemic proportions in this country.  This is debt that is non bankruptable, meaning you WILL pay it.  There’s no way out of it, except death.

Let your children work through school, insist that they apply for every scholarship they can and most importantly, go to a school you can afford.  Never should you jeopardize your future (retirement) so junior can go to an Ivy League school.  Most employers look at the fact that they have a degree way more so than where that degree came from.  Let the Jones’ have the student loans.

Have Goals

Goals are the direction in which you point your life.  We all have dreams, but goals help you to determine priorities and direct you to focus on what is important.  When you set a goal to get out of debt, build wealth, retire (maybe early), all of the sudden, stuff doesn’t seem as important.  Most of things we buy today, will have little value to us in a few years.  Cars depreciate, clothes wear out or go out of style, satellite tv becomes less relevant, lattes will add weight to you.  You get the gist.

Write your goals down.  This will helped to give you clarity on what you need to achieve them.  In order to achieve your life goals, you must make sacrifices, stay committed, overcome challenges and work your plans.

Be Proud of Being Frugal

Many people confuse frugality with deprivation or being a cheapskate.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  When I was much younger, I was frugal out of necessity.  Now, I’m frugal because we have goals.  We have a much bigger picture in mind.

We chose to spend our money in ways that will cause us to win in the future.  When you’re frugal, you give much more thought to wants versus needs.  Being frugal allows us to save more, i.e. have more money, not less.  It allows us to sleep at night, instead of worrying about how we’re going to pay the bills and it will also allow us to retire while we’re still young enough to enjoy it.  I have never been ashamed of being frugal.  It has always been a game to me and I have never felt deprived.

I hope I have shed some light on why keeping up with the Jones’ could be detrimental to just about every aspect of your life.  Financially, it’s a losing game.  The important thing is be who you are and be ok with that.

And always remember, the millionaire next door may not drive the newest car, live in the biggest house or buy his/her clothes from Niemans.  That would be the Joneses, who are dead broke.

Have you ever tried keeping up with the Joneses?  If so, how did it work out for you?

If you need help getting started with a budget, click 8 Simple Steps for Setting Up a Budget and if you need pointers on getting out of debt, read How To Get Out Of Debt With The Debt Snowball.

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